The long arm of the ….. central heating

Occasionally I find myself despairing at some obvious injustice dished out by the judicial system. I’m not talking about the the criminal justice system – that’s way out of my league and I have no experience of it whatsoever.  I’m not sure we even need one of these where I live. I’m talking about the … Continue reading “The long arm of the ….. central heating”

Occasionally I find myself despairing at some obvious injustice dished out by the judicial system. I’m not talking about the the criminal justice system – that’s way out of my league and I have no experience of it whatsoever.  I’m not sure we even need one of these where I live. I’m talking about the system for righting the minor civil wrongs that are part of the fabric of our law-abiding lives – you know the sort of stuff: not parking on the correct side of a line in a municipal car park, or being a minute and a half in arrears with your council tax, or worse still, being recorded by secret cameras as you furtively sneak away from Aldi’s car park after ten minutes of ‘free’ parking.

Anyway, a large part of this system is deployed and maintained solely to settle disputes between landlords and tenants.  Being a landlord, I am, undeniably, an immensely rich Tory who is about to get his come-uppance from the Millibrain, who is intent on starving me and my species into oblivion by nationalising the private housing stock and giving it to workers on zero-hours contracts who have no capacity (and probably no intention) of paying the rent.  Anyway, when they don’t pay the rent, I’ll be obliged to take a trip to the small claims court.

In these hallowed halls of justice I’ll meet a ‘judge’ who has no interest whatsoever in examining the case on its merits and come to a reasoned conclusion based, as it should in a civil case, on the ‘preponderance of evidence’. Instead, they will come to decisions based on their assessment of the balance of power between the landlord and the tenant, if they bother to asssess the facts at all.

Here’s an example. I once had to take a tenant to court for wrecking a perfectly good flat. I was counter-sued by the tenant for not protecting his deposit in a deposit protection scheme. I explained very carefully that I didn’t have to do this, and presented case studies from the high court to the district judge in our local county court to prove that I didn’t. He had no choice but to agree with me, and the claim by the tenant failed. But don’t forget, I was also suing the tenant for wrecking my flat.

As part of the wrecking spree, the drunken slob had put his fist through a number of my doors. As retribution for my capitalist victory in the first case, the same judge then ruled – and this is completely true – that the damage to the doors had been caused by the central heating.

Please read that again.

And this, despite the tenant having agreed that he’d damaged the doors, and despite having spent a good part of the previous week attempting to repair them.  Not to mention the photographs.

I used to respect the county courts. Now I just think they’re experimental laboratories for testing how close to the edge the state can push an ordinary citizen.

 

Zero hours is the same as Zero money

I’m self employed. It might appear to a great many people that I’m a ‘fat cat’ because officially I’m a company director and I have an employee (me) but the fact of the matter is that I’m no different from countless thousands of others in this country who make their living on their wits, ability … Continue reading “Zero hours is the same as Zero money”

I’m self employed. It might appear to a great many people that I’m a ‘fat cat’ because officially I’m a company director and I have an employee (me) but the fact of the matter is that I’m no different from countless thousands of others in this country who make their living on their wits, ability and the goodwill of those who hire us.

If nobody hires me to do a job, I don’t get paid.  Therefore, I am on a zero hours contract. Your local window cleaner is in a similar situation, as is the bloke who fixed my roof last time it leaked.

I’m pleased that the Millibrain has declared that my arrangement with myself is to be made illegal. I will have no more sleepless nights, since I’ll be confident that the welfare state will reward my future fecklessness simultaneously with suitable benefits for me  and appropriate sanctions against me.

Please recall my earlier comments about not voting for this idiot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tree Man

The tree officer from the council came this morning, and a leading local cabinet member, to attend a debate in my front garden about the wilful destruction of the trees in my street by council contractors a few years ago. Both very nice chaps, and in no way responsible for the topping of the mature … Continue reading “The Tree Man”

The tree officer from the council came this morning, and a leading local cabinet member, to attend a debate in my front garden about the wilful destruction of the trees in my street by council contractors a few years ago. Both very nice chaps, and in no way responsible for the topping of the mature beech trees which characterised this quiet corner of our town which happened in a previous administration.  I’m still angry, as are others, about the destruction of these trees four years after the event, which took place, in my opinion, because a fellow resident of our street didn’t like leaves falling in his garden and incidentally was friendly with a local councillor. If you see a van full of ‘tree surgeons’ with ‘Agent Orange Tree Destruction Services’ stencilled on the side, it’s probably the same idiots who removed the nesting habitats of a good number of local birds and a great many beetles, whilst gleefully destroying the amenity of my street with their chainsaws in the process.

Maybe there’ll be some action to replace the trees, but even if this is tomorrow, it will be 50 years before the street is back to where it was before the deforestation took place, and I’ll probably be dead. Although I might still be around if I get a share of the £8 Billion extra that the magicians are promising for the NHS.

 

8OIMBHBRXZEG8ZPO

I’m attempting to pay my taxes. I love paying taxes. I only pay taxes when I earn money, so the more I pay the more I must have earned.  I like to pay them early to get them done. The HMRC web site is probably the best example of how the government are seemingly determined … Continue reading “8OIMBHBRXZEG8ZPO”

I’m attempting to pay my taxes. I love paying taxes. I only pay taxes when I earn money, so the more I pay the more I must have earned.  I like to pay them early to get them done.

The HMRC web site is probably the best example of how the government are seemingly determined to make public services as inaccessible as possible. Frankly, it’s a disgrace that this ever got through a basic idea review, never mind a Critical Design Review in the ‘consulting’ firm that designed this online fiasco.

I’m trying to download my annual CT600 form so that I can file my corporation tax return. Now, I’m assuming that the ‘webmasters’ at this site (I use the terms in their truest sense – ‘web’ to mean a tangled mess and ‘masters’ to mean experts at creating it) know that it doesn’t really work, but despite this I must log in, go through a dozen screens of information, selections and button clicking, only to be presented with this a message containing my personalised error code:

8OIMBHBRXZEG8ZPO

which I must report to them using the link available to contact HMRC which takes me to anywhere except a form to report the error.  Well done chaps – keep billing the hours to a civil servant somewhere in HMRC who believes in fairies.

 

 

Das Blau vom Himmel Versprechen

Last night we went to the pub for our monthly ‘Stammtisch’ – an evening of good company and German language practice with expats, of whom my wife is one.  The conversation inevitably came around to the subject of the forthcoming election, which appears to be a pissing contest between the far right and the not-quite-so-far … Continue reading “Das Blau vom Himmel Versprechen”

Last night we went to the pub for our monthly ‘Stammtisch’ – an evening of good company and German language practice with expats, of whom my wife is one.  The conversation inevitably came around to the subject of the forthcoming election, which appears to be a pissing contest between the far right and the not-quite-so-far right about who can magic the most money (measured in the new currency of election promises, the billion).  I really like this phrase used in Germany to describe perfectly what’s going on (and I may not have got this exactly right, since my German isn’t that good):  Das Blau vom Himmel Versprechen, meaning they promise the very blue from the sky! Which sums up the current campaigning perfectly.

Incidentally, just so you know where I stand here, I certainly won’t be voting for the Millibrain, who simply can’t add up and yet who wants to run a country. Ludicrous. Unfortunately, since the previous Labour government organised the destruction of our education system, nobody else can add up either which can only result in one outcome in this election.