BCP Ooooh Aaaaahhhhh BAH!

It’s been a while since I posted anything on my blog. In fact, we’ve managed to get through a pandemic, nine months of war in Europe and three prime ministers (more about the trashing of the economy another time) without a word from me. But so stunned am I today that the only way I can possibly reconnect to reality is to overcome the pain and write something down. For this, you can thank the idiots at Bournemouth, Christchurch and Poole Council (and you’ll recall we spoke to them before about trees, a conversation which set the baseline for future interactions at levels somewhat below ‘bewildering’.). Well, they’ve propelled themselves to international ridicule this time as a way of putting the local landfill on the map.

Locals have traditionally marked the start of the long drag through winter with a trip to a spectacular firework display organised by the Rotary (thank you!) Thousands of people battle though the very enjoyable traffic chaos, throw the car anywhere it’ll fit and show up on a local rec, hand over a very affordable amount of cash to the high-vis stewards on the gate, admire a massive bonfire and then “ooooh aaaah” to enormous aerial bombs and rockets exploding in no discernible pattern accompanied by loud music, sometimes the theme from The Dambusters, while we all hope fervently for an even bigger flash-bang-whoosh on the next launch. It’s fun, traditional and a great opportunity to test this year’s new hat and scarf. The local cubs and scouts sell hotdogs and hamburgers, and of course there’s a raffle offering small and valueless prizes. It’s been happening for as long as I can remember.

Not this year. This year, the council have decided the field that everyone has been happily using as a Recreation Ground for generations is too dangerous for people to stand around on watching fireworks, because apparently it might gas us. The massive bonfire might be much more dangerous than previous years because of the link between gas, bonfires and explosions. The enormous fireworks might be much more dangerous than previous years because of the link between explosions, gas and er… explosions. And the boy scouts selling hot dogs and soup might be gassed because their ‘tents’ (invariably open all sides and typically being fanned by a freezing November North Easterly) will prevent the gas escaping from the ground and dissipating non-explosively into the atmosphere, thus confirming the known link between the Scout Movement, Recreation Field Gas and uncontrolled explosions.

“Unfortunately, the results are showing fluctuating gas levels and although this is unlikely to pose a risk to public safety during normal use of the recreation ground, there is potential for enclosed tents, marquees, and wood pilings to prevent gas coming up from the ground from safely dissipating into the air.”

An unidentified source at the Council (and frankly, I wouldn’t put my name to this twaddle either)

Words fail me.

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